I'm back, baby!!!!!

So Costanza of me.

Well then, my week...my first week...of graveyard shifts is behind me and it really wasn't that bad. Not to mention it's a veritable treasure trove of hilarity with the crew I work with so all in all it's an enjoyable time for all. I had the following personal exchange with the aforementioned and becoming famous overweight African American girl that I work with.

OWAAG: "David, can you put these files up fo' me? I be so tired, child. I'm too old for all this."
Me: (under my breath) "You mean too fat and lazy."
OWAAG: (overhearing barely, too much cholestorol in her ear canal) "What you say?"
Me: "I said you so crazy"
OWAAG: (looking confused for a second...actually I guess it's her normal look....) "Oh.......you know thas right!"

I swear.

Around home things are one thousand percent better than last week to say the least. I was thinking I should review music or movies like everyone else who does this but then I hit a little snag. I haven't gone to the movies to see a non-children's flick probably since Fellowship of the Ring last December. Sucks, I know. And I really don't buy music anymore since I discovered the joy of illegally pirating music off of the 'net and burning it to a CD in an effort to singlehandedly cripple the recording industry. It's people like me that are ruining this fine industry that raped and pillaged all of us for millions of dollars in overpriced crap and $200 concert tickets over the years. What? What? Irony?

Now wrestling, I can touch on that a little bit. I've missed the last few weeks due to my new work schedule but I've still got a little pulse of what's going on. I hear that Ultimo Dragon may be making a comeback and I'm thinking that can only be good. It would be nice to see the innovator of the Asai Moonsault in a ring once again. I was please with the results of the Billy and Chuck commitment ceremony angle. I think because what Jamal and Rosie did, I wanted to do myself. Beautiful. I heard that Smackdown this week had two classic matches on it but of course, not able to see it = me. To make myself feel better, I watched the Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H match from Summerslam for the ten thousandth time. I know I'm not the only one who marks out for Shawn's entrance, even after all these years. And don't tell me you've never tried to do the lean pose that he does in the ring. Liar. LIAR!! LIAR!!!!

But anyway, tomorrow I'm headed out to my mother's neck of the woods to help them get ready for their new business to open. There's a big registration drive tomorrow so I thought I'd help out with that since she...you know...gave birth to me and all that. I guess this will make us even.

Til next time....

Well then, it's been an eventful week to say the least. My aforementioned moronic answering of my wife's question became awfully awfully serious. Serious enough that the term "some time apart" was uttered as a part of the conversation. Really, it was all about miscommunication and my inability to express my feelings the way that I think them in my head (and what guy isn't like that). But I think disaster has been averted as we were able to sit down and get it all out in the open. Things are 100% better now I think. Just have some issues to work on.

During the process of this ordeal I managed to be an ass to a couple of people so I apologize for that. Specifically Zach, who simply went into our normal routine of mildly insulting each other for amusement and got blocked for his troubles. I think though that even in retrospect it was the best idea because I think I may have snapped at him and said something I'd regret later had I not done the blocking. Still, I didn't even explain anything to him. I just blocked him, so I'm sorry about that.

What else? Oh, well of course the amusement continues at work. Aside from the continuouse drubbing of hip hop into my brain all night long, it's really gotten to the point where I spontaneously crack up during my shift overhearing conversations that aren't meant to be at all humorous. Like the following exchange between two of my co-workers, and yes they are of African-American descent.

slightly hefty co-worker #1: "Boy this is some good watermelon, girl."
much heftier barely fits down the aisles co-worker #2: "Girl I know you better give me some of that fruit."
#1: "Girl, you don't eat fruit. You be eatin' that cake."

Maybe you had to be there, but I thought it was hilarious.

Drama has also reared it's ugly head at my parent's house over the first part of this week. A girl who my parent's took in about seven years ago (she was 16 at the time she came to live with us) apparently has lost her damn mind. She decided it would be a good idea to steal my sister's ID and withdraw $3,000 out of my parents' and sister's business bank account. Then she proceeded to go on a shopping spree. That's really just the tip of the iceberg as the rest of her foolishness could fill up an entire episode of Jerry Springer, but the bottom line is that I'm the only one who ever saw this fool for what she is. Basically, that being a worthless white trash loser who can not only not take care of herself or her three....that's right..... THREE kids, but she also thinks she can just do whatever the hell she wants to do and she will face no consequence. Well, not this time biotch.

Let me also take this oppurtunity to send a little message to my GXW friends out there. As you all know my fellow writer on Onslaught had a personal tragedy last week and so the show fell into my hands. Then I had some issues to deal with over the last five or six days. What I'm coming around to is this. If anyone gives me any grief over the show not being out yet, I will be more than happy to fly to wherever your place of residence may be and put an ice pick through your eye. Not only that but I wouldn't expect to be booked...how can I say this...favorably...from here on out. Just a warning. You'll get it when you get it. You don't think it's coming fast enough? Well I'm not gonna tell you what I think of that, but it starts with a G.

Well then that concludes our broadcast day. Til next time....

P.S. It ends with "o fuck yourself".

So here's the deal. What do you get when A) You're fighting with your significant other, B) Your mother-in-law is coming for a visit, C) You have to sit at some child you don't know's birthday party for an hour and a half and D) You have to...(gasp)...go shopping with the aforementioned not-speaking-with-each-other spouse for work clothes. Answer? The day from total and utter hell.

That's right. This day was doomed from the start. Let me not forget that the mother in law was driving the car that supposedly they've been fixing up to give us to use, the main selling point being that it has air conditioning and I live in Texas, when the current car does not. Nevermind that it's now about to be October and I doubt it'll get about 90 degrees the rest of the way out, but I digress. So the mother in law strolls in the front door....fake hugs, etc. blah blah blah. Hey, wanna come see the car? Ok. I'm normally a very open minded person. But upon seeing this masterpiece of vehicular engineering my only thought was that someone stole the fuzzy dice. And my next thought was whether or not if I went over a bump driving this thing if I'd bounce up and down for about half an hour. I'm talking Hooptyville, U.S.A. Let's not even get started on the paint job. Let's just say rust would be an improvement. But at least it's got air conditioning, right? Should be great since WINTER IS COMING!!!! Ah, screw it. Maybe tomorrow someone can come over and kick me in the nuts. I think that might be better than todays festival of joy.

So here I am following the day of hell getting ready to start my first ever graveyard shift job, staying up all night to get myself acclimated to the employment equivalent of purgatory. Maybe they'll catch a couple employees having sex in an empty hospital room again. That'd be fun. I'm not sure why poverty or growing up in the hood means you have to have as much sex and procreate as much as humanly possible. If I was around that much stupidity 24/7 the last thing I'd want to do is create more of that. I'm thinking we really need to impose the two children per family rule like they did over in China. Actually, how about zero children per family. That goes for everyone.

My man Chad got offended that I ripped on him in my last blog, so I thought I'd let you all know what a cool guy he is. Actually, just one conversation makes that point totally obvious so I really don't see how there could be any doubt. Maybe it's the women's undergarments. Hmm.

Til next time.